


Bucky remembers

by Houda3921



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, holy shit I actually started something and FINISHED it, man idek I wrote this at 1 am, or a little bit of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houda3921/pseuds/Houda3921
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The problem isn't that he doesn't remember, no..Bucky remembers everything.<br/>He just doesn't know where to start.<br/>He doesn't even know what he is and isn't allowed to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky remembers

Steve wants to know and Bucky doesn't blame him. Hell! Steve _deserves_ to know and Bucky could never deny Steve anything, but the problem isn't that he doesn't remember, no..Bucky remembers **everything**.  
He just doesn't know where to start.  
He doesn't even know what he is and isn't _allowed_ to say.  
He thinks: I should tell him that I can still recall the alley where he'd first seen this skinny blond kid, fists up and blood running down his nose telling the two guys cornering him: "That all you got?" And Bucky without reluctance ran and played the role of Steve's first shield: the strongest one, the one that Steve never needed to carry because He knew Bucky would never leave his side.  
Never willingly.

  
He wonders: Maybe Steve wants me to tell about those times I slept on the floor and close to his small bed waiting for his fever to drop? Maybe he needs to know that I still see that ill man, too sick too fragile to get accepted at any job but too stubborn to back away from a fight? That I can still feel his bones under my hands, from when his asthma attacks would hit and I'd run one hand over his back, the other one moving up and down his arm holding on to him as much as he would be holding on to his life trying to get his breathing in check? But no, Bucky thinks. Those are hurtful memories and Steve is no longer skinny and shaky so there is no point in bringing them up.. as long as Steve remembers who was with him in those moments, as long as Steve knows who saw and will always see the real him, Bucky doesn't need to bring them up.

  
Bucky thinks for a moment that he could tell Steve about the good days: The days where they laughed at each other's stupid jokes, where Steve sat on that old yellow couch and drew sketches and sketches, turned pages and pages and never showed anyone any of it except Bucky, who'd smile (a smile which he only had for Steve) and mutter 'punk' under his breath because Steve's drawings are so beautiful they could take your breath away. Bucky thinks he could tell Steve about those times they laughed so hard tears were coming out of their eyes, but Bucky doesn't tell because it hurts to remember that they had it all and maybe they will never have any of it ever again.

  
If Bucky and Steve were alone in this room right now, Bucky would say it all. He would speak of what they couldn't talk about back then, because even when the mind forgets, the body remembers.The mouth remembers the taste of the other person's skin and cum. The nose recalls the smell of soap and sex. The hands will never forget the softness and hardness as they roamed and traveled from back to head to chest, and the legs will always miss that body between them, fitting there like a crown fits on the head of its king.  
A crown that's been made for him.  
Only him.

  
Bucky could tell Steve **everything** : From their first kiss on the cheek when they were too young and too naive and thought men could love each other openly, to the desperate one that they shared the day before Bucky fell. From the first time Bucky extended his hand to Steve to help him stand up, to the last time he did the same but in order for Steve to catch his hand and save him from an inevitable death.

Bucky could tell Steve everything, from A to Z though the end of their Story hasn't been written yet, it's a lot to tell and no amount of time could ever be enough to make up for what might or shouldn't have been, so Bucky just says what he thinks would make Steve understand that he remembers and will always remember it all.  
Bucky says: "Your mom's name was Sarah, you used to wear newspapers in your shoes"  
And Steve gets it.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: Hudana.tumblr.com


End file.
